"Holiday Hold It" (R. Picard / P. Ellison, Unicorn Factory/Hot And Awkward Music, ASCAP) Don't think about the faucet you can't turn off Don't think about a waterfall splashing on the rocks Don't think about the sprinkler on a hot summer day Just stop wiggling and try not to sway The line's really long (like really, really long) You're gonna have to need to hold it forever The line's moving slow (like really, really slow) Take a deep breath and keep it together Don't wet your pants on Santa Hold it 'til they snap that pic Uh-oh! Can't let anybody know Don't pee your pants on Santa I promise it'll end real quick Uh-oh! You've really gotta go Don't think about the shower you took this morning Don't think about the ocean or rivers (so boring!) Don't think about letting just a little bit out You've got to just hold it and try not to shout The line's really long (like really, really long) You're gonna have to need to hold it forever The line's moving slow (like really, really slow) Take a deep breath and keep it together Don't wet your pants on Santa Hold it 'til they snap that pic Uh-oh! Can't let anybody know Don't pee your pants on Santa I promise it'll end real quick Uh-oh! You've really gotta go

"Fake Blood For Christmas" (R. Picard / P. Ellison, Unicorn Factory/Hot And Awkward Music, ASCAP) Got myself some tinsel I think it really rocks I just finished shopping for Cookies, lights and socks My house smells like fruitcake It's toasty and its warm I've some Jell-O setting up In my tree-shaped Jell-O form Well I'm shopping for presents, I'm taking a guess Will it get there in time if I use UPS? Oh, what am I thinking? I know what to get! What everybody wants, yeah it's a sure bet, oh Everybody's getting fake blood for Christmas Everybody's getting fake blood You can cross it off of your Christmas wish-list The present that's never a dud! Everybody's getting fake blood for Christmas Everybody's getting fake blood You can die happy 'cause everybody's getting fake blood Fake blood! Got myself some ornaments And a real live Christmas tree I just finished baking stuff Enough for a family or three All my friends are on their way We'll have a great party The mistletoe hung by the door I hope no one's tardy Well I'm shopping for presents, I'm taking a guess Will it get there in time if I use UPS? Oh, what am I thinking? I know what to get! What everybody wants, yeah it's a sure bet, oh Everybody's getting fake blood for Christmas Everybody's getting fake blood You can cross it off of your Christmas wish-list The present that's never a dud! Everybody's getting fake blood for Christmas Everybody's getting fake blood You can die happy 'cause everybody's getting fake blood Fake blood!

"Christmas Makes Me Want To Die" (R. Picard / P. Ellison, Unicorn Factory/Hot And Awkward Music, ASCAP) Cross me off your shopping list Christmas makes me want to slit my wrists When I see the snowfall I get pissed 'Cause Christmas makes me want to die Somebody bought me a trucker hat Somebody bought me "Jingle Cats" Somebody bought me a yoga mat I got everybody socks Christmas makes me want to die Why, you ask? I'll tell you why I'm broke, I'm pissed and I want to cry Yeah, Christmas makes me want to die I think I got tinsel in my eye Music's skipping on the hi-fi The neighbor with the baby wants to drop by Yeah, Christmas makes me want to die Lets all watch our dad get drunk He smells worse than the Christmas trunk Nobody's gonna eat that mincemeat pie Christmas makes me want to die Somebody bought me a trucker hat Somebody bought me "Jingle Cats" Somebody bought me a yoga mat I got everybody socks Christmas makes me want to die Why, you ask? I'll tell you why I'm broke, I'm pissed and I want to cry Yeah, Christmas makes me want to die I think I got tinsel in my eye Music's skipping on the hi-fi The neighbor with the baby wants to drop by Yeah, Christmas makes me want to Die Die Die Die

"Christmas Is In December" (R. Picard / P. Ellison, Unicorn Factory/Hot And Awkward Music, ASCAP) I just got back from taking the best vacation of my life I went camping, I went fishing, I used a tent, I used a knife I just got home yesterday, it's time to clean and nap But what's this in the mail for me? An ad for Christmas wrap! Christmas is in December Not June or May at all Christmas is in December That comes way after fall Christmas is in December That's a fact that is well known! Christmas is in December, so Just leave me the hell alone Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas I just bought some candy, to give to kids with masks Its not really fancy, it was on the shelf by the Christmas snacks It seems like Christmas lights go up the seconds folks are able But don't poor eggnog in my mug before the turkey's on the table! Christmas is in December Not June or May at all Christmas is in December That comes way after fall Christmas is in December That's a fact that is well known! Christmas is in December, so Just leave me the hell alone

"Kitty Don't Eat That Tinsel" (R. Picard / P. Ellison, Unicorn Factory/Hot And Awkward Music, ASCAP) I'm so happy we got our Christmas tree Let's put those lights up as quickly as can be Now I'll add ornaments I made when I was three Next it's time for tinsel. Oh no! Bad kitty! Kitty don't eat that tinsel! You know it's bad for you! Kitty don't eat that tinsel! That's not what kitties do! Kitty don't eat that tinsel! Just leave it on the Christmas tree Don't you eat that tinsel, kitty Please won't you listen to me Christmas is coming and it's coming up soon Gentle breeze filled with a Christmas tune Hope we can celebrate without impending doom Or spending it in the kitty emergency room! Kitty don't eat that tinsel! You know it's bad for you! Kitty don't eat that tinsel! That's not what kitties do! Kitty don't eat that tinsel! Just leave it on the Christmas tree Don't you eat that tinsel, kitty Please won't you listen to me Don't you eat that tinsel, kitty Don't you eat that tinsel Don't you eat that tinsel, kitty Don't you eat that tinsel Kitty don't eat that tinsel! You know it's bad for you! Kitty don't eat that tinsel! That's not what kitties do! Kitty don't eat that tinsel! Just leave it on the Christmas tree Don't you eat that tinsel, kitty Please won't you listen to me Everybody!

"Peppermint In Everything" (R. Picard / P. Ellison, Unicorn Factory/Hot And Awkward Music, ASCAP) Hey there kids, gather 'round And hand me the Peppermint Schnapps Do you see this gina and tonic? Now it's a "Snowman On The Rocks" Just take something everyday And add a shot of mint Now it's filled with Christmas cheer Refreshing, isn't it? Peppermint in everything It's in cookies, drinks and beer Peppermint in everything It's taste is crystal clear Peppermint in everything Must mean Christmas is here Peppermint in everything The winter taste we hold so dear You can't take a snack to the office Without some candy canes (mm-hmmm!) Crush 'em up, sprinkle 'em on Guaranteed none will remain (that's right!) Take a trip to the corner latte stand The special's a "Snow Plow" (what's that?) Doesn't matter just what you order Peppermint will wind up inside somehow Peppermint in everything It's in cookies, drinks and beer Peppermint in everything It's taste is crystal clear Peppermint in everything Must mean Christmas is here Peppermint in everything The winter taste we hold so dear

"Holiday Hold It" (R. Picard / P. Ellison, Unicorn Factory/Hot And Awkward Music, ASCAP) Don't think about the faucet you can't turn off Don't think about a waterfall splashing on the rocks Don't think about the sprinkler on a hot summer day Just stop wiggling and try not to sway The line's really long (like really, really long) You're gonna have to need to hold it forever The line's moving slow (like really, really slow) Take a deep breath and keep it together Don't wet your pants on Santa Hold it 'til they snap that pic Uh-oh! Can't let anybody know Don't pee your pants on Santa I promise it'll end real quick Uh-oh! You've really gotta go Don't think about the shower you took this morning Don't think about the ocean or rivers (so boring!) Don't think about letting just a little bit out You've got to just hold it and try not to shout The line's really long (like really, really long) You're gonna have to need to hold it forever The line's moving slow (like really, really slow) Take a deep breath and keep it together Don't wet your pants on Santa Hold it 'til they snap that pic Uh-oh! Can't let anybody know Don't pee your pants on Santa I promise it'll end real quick Uh-oh! You've really gotta go