"Christmas Makes Me Want To Die" (R. Picard / P. Ellison, Unicorn Factory/Hot And Awkward Music, ASCAP)

Cross me off your shopping list
Christmas makes me want to slit my wrists
When I see the snowfall I get pissed
'Cause Christmas makes me want to die

Somebody bought me a trucker hat
Somebody bought me "Jingle Cats"
Somebody bought me a yoga mat
I got everybody socks

Christmas makes me want to die
Why, you ask? I'll tell you why
I'm broke, I'm pissed and I want to cry
Yeah, Christmas makes me want to die
I think I got tinsel in my eye
Music's skipping on the hi-fi
The neighbor with the baby wants to drop by
Yeah, Christmas makes me want to die

Lets all watch our dad get drunk
He smells worse than the Christmas trunk
Nobody's gonna eat that mincemeat pie
Christmas makes me want to die

Somebody bought me a trucker hat
Somebody bought me "Jingle Cats"
Somebody bought me a yoga mat
I got everybody socks

Christmas makes me want to die
Why, you ask? I'll tell you why
I'm broke, I'm pissed and I want to cry
Yeah, Christmas makes me want to die
I think I got tinsel in my eye
Music's skipping on the hi-fi
The neighbor with the baby wants to drop by
Yeah, Christmas makes me want to

Die
Die
Die
Die